Thursday, July 23, 2009

I havent posted anything on here in years

I havent written in anything in almost as long, i've since changed my artistic medium, i still write sometimes but nothing poetic,. I think i may start again.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Be somebody.

Quit cloning around

Walking these halls I see the same face on all of you

Confining yourself to your social cliques.

What happened to our childhood dreams of individuality.

Why do we feel the need to belong.
Stand up

Speak out.

Don't let these clones close in on you

Be somebody not just another face in the crowd.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


All it takes is one spark.

To start an inferno

Just like a revolution

One person no matter how insignificant they may seem

Can bring about a worldly change

All it takes is a little time and effort

You can set the world ablaze with your ideas

Bust down those fucking walls of conformity

And start a fire of your own.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Gone far too long

I've been gone far too long. But over my long absence i've grown and changed as a writer. For the better i hope. A new era has donned in my life and here i give you the fruits of my labor. My language has gotten a bit coarser in my absence if cursing offends you i'd advise you against reading some of my new stuff.

Silly world

Fucked up and desecrated

This world has nothing left to give

We reaped but we did not sow

We have taken but we refuse to give back

Our mother is dying

And I can’t take it anymore

Clean the waters

Revitalize the forests

Purify this land we call home

Don’t look outside for help

Our fate lies on this turf

Give back what we have taken and hope it’s not too fucking late

Sunday, April 23, 2006

It sucks but it s better than nothing


A constant thunder in my ears

Blowing my mind

And rattling my brain

As I destroy the Technicolor baddies

Covering the screen in crimson

And draining away my humanity

Desensitizing myself

Convincing myself the enemy deserves death

Showing now mercy I blow them away

Losing my mind as the body count soars

After awhile the bass fades out and I wake up

In the real world bound by the rules of our society

I see the screen and I am ashamed

Realizing what has become of me

I cut the power and stand

Not as myself but

As another desensitized child…

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Russian Roulette

This is one of my poems from the darkest point in my life before i got control of myself. Don't worry about me nowadays i have too many good things going for me. Its all starting to turn around. I just feel like i need to get this poem off my chest to finnaly abandon all my regret about this point in my life. without this point in my life i wouldnt be who i am i would probably have ended up being less of a success had i continued following that path anyways. Just to let you all know ive redone this poem so its better than it was when i first wrote it and here it is... Russian Roulette.

I load the bullet..
A single cartridge..
So small..
Seemingly weak..
Yet its power enough to take down a giant..
Breaking bone and tearing flesh..
I close my eyes and spin the cylinder..
The barrel to my temple..
My finger on the trigger..
The last thing i hear..

Again this is the most disturbing and dark you will ever see from me again. I found the courage to seek help at this point in my life and i will have the courage to seek it again should i ever become this self loathing again. I refuse to go back into that pit. I finnaly got the hell out of there i still have a "fuck the world, and fuck you too" attitude at times but i will never ever go out that way. If you have any concerns for me dont worry ive been reborn.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Whispers to those long gone

" I miss you "
" If only i could turn back time "
" Why did you have to go "
" You abandoned us "
All things whispered in our minds
While we weep
While we grieve
While we pray
We wish we got to know them better
We all wish they were beside us once more to comfort us
Praying to god to give us one more minute
If only to tell them we love them
If only to hold them in our arms once more
Until the time when we accept that they are gone
And we will be with them once more when our time comes.
In memory of Harry Ellis my grandfather we lost him 12/18/04
Also in memory of Pearl Blevins My great grandmother we lost her 12/17/05
May their souls rest in eternal peace
We miss you both with all our hearts.
I know that my heart is weeping....
The dark angel will join you both when his time comes

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

My Fallen Angel

My Lovely Disgrace
My Imperfect Goddess
My Fallen Angel
My Dark Queen

For a wretched soul such as me,
There could be no one more perfect.
All of her impurity insignificant
the only thing that matters is our love

This unbreakable bond
Held fast by our devotion
Bound by our trust
Supported by kindness

Together for eternity
Falling in each others arms
Our imperfection shorn
Our divinity shines through

The dark queen
The wicked king
Perfect Loves
With imperfect souls

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

A Reading Reccomendation

I've yet to finish it but thus far Memoirs Of A Geisha is a great book i doubt any ending could ruin this book for me. If you havent read this book yet please do so. And i need to thank dsnake1 for giving me the idea of doing this

Sunday, November 20, 2005

My first short story

This is the first short story i've wrote in the past few weeks. it was for my english class but i found it rather enjoyable. Its based on the same princples as the arthurian legends its not too great, considering i wrote it in under an hour. I will probably make a better longer version in the future but for now this will have to do.

In the land of Rathus, a land of unparalleled beauty, untouched by time and technology, a land that could almost be confused with heaven, Two great kings existed, Lord Orso Dorato The golden knight, a giant with unparalleled strength and skill , the possessor of the sacred armor of Heimdall, and the blade of Hodur. And Lord Magnus Fellblood, A fiend incarnate, Lord of all things corrupt and dark, Harbinger of death and destruction, Owner of Fenris’ Armor, and the blade of Magni.
On the most sacred of days Einherjar, Lord Orsos’ wife to be Elizabeth Brittania Eaton has fallen ill, Lord Orso remains by her side through her troubled sleep she wakes with a start exclaiming “Milord!” This rouses the sleeping Orso from his unintentional slumber “ARM THE SENTRYS!!” he exclaims still within his dream when he realizes he is awake he blushes sheepishly. “Erm…What is it Elizabeth?” he asks still slightly groggy. “Milord….I fear we shall soon be attacked by Magnus Fellblood….”. “ I told you not to call me Mi…. WHAT!?!” he exclaims “How do you know this?” “A vision Mi...Orso”
At the same time a similar event has occurred. Adrianna Fellblood is seen struggling to the throne room of her husband gasping for breath falling to her knees at his feet. “Magnus!” she gasps. “ What is it you forsaken wench?” he hisses at her. “Magnus I believe it is finally time to make our final stand against Orso and my wretched half sister.” Magnus laughs evilly. “How do you know this wench?”
“A vision Magnus…A vision…”
Orso can be seen still by Elizabeth’s side Calm as ever as soon as Elizabeth is back asleep he leaves the room and calls for a meeting of his most loyal and brave knights. “My brothers in arms and spirit, I fear a great battle is approaching.”
His most loyal knight Kolbrandr asks “ with who milord only one foe remains and surely he would not consider attacking after his last defeat”
“I fear it is so Kolbrandr, I also fear his forces will be twice the size and strength of last time.”
“Surely he cannot have raised such a force in so little time”
“Your queen to be has foreseen this...”
“She could be wrong sire.”
“Has she ever been wrong before?”
And with that the other knights erupt in a din of fear and confusion causing Orso to lose his temper and silence them all by hewing the table in half with his great runed sword silencing them immediately and causing a few to disgrace themselves. “Gather all the troops and arm them with the best of the equipment we leave in a fortnight.” With that he storms out back to his future queen’s room.
Magnus can be seen conjuring the foulest and darkest demons laughing evilly he seems to be enjoying himself thoroughly calling out to Adrianna to fetch his armor and blade and receiving a long string of insults back to him as she comes to him carrying his armor and blade in a sack tossing it at his feet and cursing him as she leaves spitting at him before walking to her chamber.
Half a fortnight has passed and Orso has become restless and agitated training for hours on end threatening any who disturb him with death except for his now wife and queen. He reviews the troops daily thanking them for their loyalty and readiness so quickly. He tells them to spend the final weeks with their families and friends.
Finally the day has come when Orso and Magnus deploy their troops. Only to meet two days later on the battle field. Orso troops stand in reserved silence headed by the giant at least three heads taller than any other his golden armor shining in the fading sun as the dark king approaches with his loud loutish army following close behind ordering to attack mercilessly without honor to kill all they see.
Orso gives his signal to attack drawing his giant sword which gleams with a holy light in the coming darkness only to elicit a louder war cry from the fell beasts across the field. The dark lord draws his sword as well seeming to breed hatred with a mere glance at it. The armies collide in a bloody savage battle drenching the earth in the blood of human and hellion alike Until both forces retreat exhausted leaving a precious few on the battlefield, Consisting of Orso, Kolbrandr, Magnus and his most loyal henchman Agnarr locked in battle. Blow for blow Orso and Magnus continue for torturous hours on end blood flowing from their wounds neither seeming to weaken until Orso lands a stroke to Magnus’ chest cleaving his armor and giving him a mortal wound bringing a cry of utter terror from Agnarr as he sees the new fire in Kolbrandrs’ eyes now knowing he can win as did his lord. Kolbrandr cleaves Agnarrs helm with a mighty swing bringing the battle to a joyous end. Leaving Orso to walk away in a moment of silence for his fallen brethren.

Feel free to tell me what you think good or bad i really dont mind. I would appreciate it if tell me of any mistakes so i can fix it asap.


Hours on end
Spent awake
In these last few hours before dawn
I write..
Trying to subdue my racing mind
I pour my heart into the pen
I cast my soul into the paper
My blood becomes the ink
My mind fuses with these words
I become one with my work
Until these precious few moments of solace run out
And I am stuck awake in this prision of consciousness
Desperate and broken
I wait for peace to come

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Good and bad news

I finnaly got a job but with the hours ive been getting ive been too tired to write let alone do anything else so if i dont post as frequently sorry

Thursday, October 20, 2005


If its such a small world
How can there be so much fear and misunderstanding,
Predjudice and name calling,
Senseless wars ,
Why does Shantel Want to put a cap in my ass? " Cracka "
Why does Xing hua want to rip my eyes out of my head? " Round eyed devil"
Why does Miguel want to cut me? " ese "*
Why cant we all just agree?
That we are a world of nobodies
What makes us get along so awfully?
Is it that we are too diferent
How is it that we can assume who someone is by how they look?
Arent we supposed to be breaking barriers?
Not building walls of hatered
Why must the children grow up seeing such conflict?
I know a world of peace and prosperity is pure myth
Why cant we just let each other see how we really feel
No more fearful anger, No more walls of predjudice
In this oh so large world
* pronounced eh-say but i cant find my symbols list at five in the morning

Monday, October 17, 2005

Crazier And Hazier 2

Evidently my muse has came out of hibernation and is working overtime so here is a redone Crazier and Hazier its got some lines from my other unfinished poems which i never will post .

Life is getting crazier and hazier
Nobodies stuck in their havens talking to the black raven
Pondering death wondering when they'll take their last breath
Feeling lifes' pain and disdain through a mist filled rain
Their tormentors flocking not knowing when to stop the demonic mocking
Leaving the cold hearts and the whole hearts to their pointless war
The darkness blowing over the plains bringing nothing but acid rain
Eternal gloom and doom felt by the denizens of the earth
Fear rising causing all of this despising between brothers
Shapeshifters and dimensional drifters breeding distrust
Leaving lovers in the blood red rain where they feel no more pain
The tornado called life will end up bringing nothing but lonliness and strife

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Untitled (( this poem will never have a real title i cant just seem to create one))

Blood red lightning frightening the young and old alike. The pain and disdain dragging down the best turning heros to zeros just like the rest of us all. Life a perpetual test never going to let anyone rest. Bound by the ropes of light people cant fall into the darkness giving up the fight. shape shifters and dimensional drifters coming to bring misfortune to us all.

Crazier and Hazier

This is My very first poem ever written so please do forgive the lack of structure and talent:

Life is getting crazier and hazier. We've got people sitting in their so-called havens talking to ravens obsessing over death while taking their last breath. Tormentors Flocking constantly mocking. The whole hearted fighting the cold hearted wishing there was no war. Darkness flowing over the plains followed by the acid rains. Hollywoods' fame going down in flames as shockwaves rock the worlds docks. Perpetual darkness bringing gloom and doom to the people whose fear rises causing them to despise one another. Eyes peer from the shadows slowly devouring their mind making them search when there is nothing to find. With kindness eliminated nothing left to feel but fear and hatred.

Theres a Poe reference in the second line for those of you who dont notice. to this day he is still my greatest teacher in the world of writing right next to the Infamous Bagby-san my favorite english teacher in my life. Theres another poem just like this which i will post next

On Writing

Paint a picture with your words
Give shape to your abstract thoughts
Make the pen your brush
Make paper your medium
May the ink flow like the waters of the Nile
May your muse awaken from her slumber
Make a statement
Introduce new thoughts
Give an opinion
Let the world know you
Forgive those who don't like it
Welcome those who love it
Allow Criticisim
Above all...
Never quit

Friday, October 07, 2005

Anger pt.2

The fateful day has come
The poor fool has dared the demon
Bringing him forth from the depths of my twisted soul
Calmness dissolving
My wall of stability crumbles
Letting him consume me
My blood boils
The time for reasoning is dead and gone
The bonds broken
The devil unleashed
The comforting darkness surrounds me
Only to leave me as fast as it came
Revealing the vicims of my burden
I fall to my knees and grieve

Thursday, October 06, 2005


Eternity spent in this darkness..
Always falling..
No end in sight..
Embraced by Darkness I struggle..
Searching for the Light..
The pain of my aching heart long since gone..
Bound in the ropes of lonliness..
Left to fall..

Saturday, September 17, 2005


Sitting here in this dark corner
I look at these dingy walls
Have I been forgotten?
By loved ones...
By family...
By friends...

I look out these grimy windows
I see their blissful smiles
I cry out
Desperately wanting to be heard
By my loved ones...
By my family...
By my friends...

I pound on the glass
Claw at the door
I fall down defeated and exhausted
What will i do if i have been forgotten


Here I sit
In this institution
Sentenced here by law
Waiting and waiting for this day to end
And the next to begin
My true self held back by these impregnable walls
Until the miraculous toll of the bell when my freedom is secure
Walking through those doors I mutter
“Thank god it’s finally summer I hate school

Friday, September 16, 2005

My first love

My first love
You played the flirtatious schoolgirl
Using your friends to interrogate me
That night at the roller rink
I said said I liked you as a friend nothing more
Then at the final moment before the christmas break
I gave you a message telling you how i really felt
I felt at ease
Finnaly calm
Or so i thought
I sat with you in the mornings
Masking my early exhaustion
And unwittingly putting on a false smile
Slowly drifting from my friends
It took so long for me to realize
My so called attraction was just desperation
An attempt to fill my empty heart
Which only made the pain grow tenfold
Now we are back
At the begining
Hiding our hate from one another

Thursday, August 25, 2005


Wretched souls wrought from hatred
Cruel and unforgiving
Forlorn and outcast
No ryhme or reason to them
Craving mayhem
Thirsting for destruction
Alive inside each of us
Held back by our fear and insecurity
Brought forth by anger and pain
We lose ourselves in their dark embrace
Only to reawaken to the coldness of the world

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Life, Death And Immortality

A blessing, a curse, and a dream
All of them have a different meaning for each being
Life and immortality a curse for the ones who wish for death
Death a curse for those who fear it
Immortality a blessing until you see its flaws
Old age is a blessing yet a curse
You can pass on your wisdom to the new generation
You also slowly feel your body and mind slip away
Death is the same
A blessing for those in pain
And a curse for those who are left without you
Immortality unlike the other yet the same
You are cursed to live watching those you love slowly wither
But you are able to pass on your wisdom to the new generations
Though with time you would surely wish for death
All of them are entwined no matter how different they seem
Just as is the human race
All different yet the same
Rich or poor
Wise or ignorant
We are all intertwined

Monday, July 18, 2005


To tell the truth
I am unsure as to whether any god exists
I’m not sure I want to
The wars spawned by religion caused more destruction
Than I care to be associated with
No definite black or white just grey
The views some try to push on me
Have put me in a perpetual state of indifference
The hate caused by your so called saviors
Has driven me away
Whether you are reborn, or you live
Forever in the golden light or fiery pits
Is your choice
Even though we really don’t know what will happen
In the hereafter of your choice
My views don’t matter to you
Yours don’t matter to me
Just remember no one really knows what is going to happen
When you find out you can’t tell me
I’ll be off in my little world of indecision


You think you know me
You think you solved the mystery of me
You see through the acts that I hide behind
I hate to disprove your theory
You see the outer walls that are the labyrinth of me.
Hidden in dark the dark recesses of my mind do I lurk just waiting to emerge
But as each day passes I grow weary of hiding
Just wanting to be myself but unable to
Held back by the shackles called expectations
I act as if I were a fallen being
But all I am is a speck of dust in the wind
Not destined for greatness
Not destined for fame or wealth
I don’t desire these materialistic things
All I want peace
Not world peace
Not peace of mind
Just peace
So leave me to search for this fabled peace

In The Dark

I keep you in the dark
You think you know every detail of me
I hide my true feelings in the dark corner of my mind
Along with the bad memories of the years gone by
They sit there just waiting to be released as if they were a caged bird
Always coming just beneath the surface as if to say let me free
But my fear and paranoia keep them tightly locked away
Never to be released
Never to be heard or seen
I just sit here in wait for the caged bird to escape
When that day finally comes all will be revealed
No secrets
No lies
No more dark corners to hide in


Hidden from view in broad daylight
I sit here unnoticed for the most part
The teacher occasionally calls out for an answer
My voice heard then forgotten instantly
I like being hidden from you
All you do is mock me out of fear
Each insult slowly cuts deeper
I seem unaffected yet I am scarred beyond recognition
Deep within my psyche I have some small fragment of pride left
I hold onto it for dear life
You all try to steal it as if it were some precious jewel
I despise every one of you who acts as if you are just joking
The lies and truths indistinguishable from one another in my eyes
Your preconceived judgments clouding your vision
But making mine all the clearer
I see you for who you truly are
An insecure fool who knows no other way express fear by mockery


Whether they be good or bad
By fate or free or free will
They will occur in an ironic never ending cycle
As difficult to deal with as death or as easy as the end of a movie
We all move on until we too end.
Our fall will not shake the earth for in the scheme of things we are all insignificant
We all are soon to be forgotten
Except for the select few who we truly touched
Even they with time shall fade and with them we fall too
The great end of us all is approaching and with it all knowledge of us is as good as gone.
I am as prepared as I will be for the end
So all I can say is…..
Farewell to all of you.


Repressed my inner demons have grown strong
Their shackles are weakening
I fear they will soon escape
I fear not for myself but for the fool who unleashes them
I will lose myself in their fury
I shall feel no pain till I reawaken
Amongst the devastated I realize I have become a slave to my anger
An anger which no one can master
Yet I am expected to bear its burden
My pain hidden beneath this false smile
The laughter keeps me from screaming
My peers go along mocking me
Unbeknownst to them I am subconsciously plotting
The things I think should have never occurred to one as young as me
My demise is not near but I feel as though the next day will be the end
But that mystic end will not be brought on by myself
But by the fabled reaper


I am surrounded by many
Still I am alone
Nobody to call a friend
No shoulder to lean on in times of pain
No one to protect or to be protected by
Mocked by those who call themselves my friends
Days of ceaseless pain
Nights of growing loneliness
I grow stronger with each passing day
Knowing I could end the pain in a second
But I know that ending it would prove how weak I was
Pain is temporary
Death is permanent
Life alone is better than death regretful
Live not a life of regret but a life of foolish pride
Hang on to those you consider dear and never let go


I have grown as the seasons changed
I have realized change is good and necessary
Yet it is the hardest thing to do.
I grew in mind and body yet I changed not in temperament
I thought I was same as the years before changing only when it is convenient for me
But I have realized I do change as the seasons do
The spring my youth when I look back I see happiness and Naievete
The times my parents miss because I was fun to be around.
The summer my era growth the year when the shroud of ignorance was raised a little
I grew to know things beyond the comprehension of my younger peers
I felt superior yet I knew I was missing something
The autumn my golden age I was the popular protector my ignorance had seemed to vanish but then again ignorance is bliss I knew not how ignorant I was
As I grew to realize the leaves had already fallen and the winter was nearly upon us
The winter my time of freedom granted by my elders but that freedom was not so free as I thought I realized this and I have become this being that stands before you just waiting for the spring to come again
I feel as though I have left behind the other seasons but I still carry them with me
No matter how much I seem to despise them they will always be there
I will feel my past no matter how repressed it may be I still feel it
Lurking just beyond my sight just waiting for me to accept it with open arms